Things have felt slightly melancholic lately. Over January, you might have noticed I put out a small podcast. I wanted to speak honestly on my feelings around the year. I wanted to provide a real insight. Ironically, I actually listened to it back and noticed just how vague I was being. I re-recorded the podcast and am on the verge of putting it out, hesitating over the fact that maybe this time I have been too honest? Either way, I’ve been doing some reflecting on the year I’ve had, wanting to make sense of it and attempting to package it away neatly. Ultimately, going to Guatemala changed the course of my life and subsequently, my life goals and plans have adapted accordingly.
The other day, I took myself on an art date, much like I would have done years ago when I first started getting into poetry. I walked to an art gallery, I treated myself to a poetry collection (Lord Of The Butterflies by Andrea Gibson), I walked to a sweet little Japanese restaurant and I spent the afternoon reading my book and eating slowly. I can’t really describe what came over me in those moments. I found myself feeling connected to my city for the first time in ages. Gifting myself the quiet, the slowness, giving myself the permission and sheer luxury to take my sense of wonder seriously that day opened my awareness out in a way that I was not expecting. It created room for creativity to flood in. I’ve been enjoying finding my flow lately. After a wintery period of burn-out and overworking, I finally decided to take a step towards balance and agreed to go part time at my current job. Of course, when you are a freelancer, part time really means full time, because you will likely spend your free moments pursuing art or pursuing all the admin that comes with pursuing art. However this welcome change of pace is doing a lot for my creativity. Last year I had many commissions but I started to miss the simple joy of creating work for yourself first and foremost. Now, armed with many new and slightly bruised stories of my own, I am excited to translate some of my wild few years into work that I care about.
I’ve been attending workshops, connecting with other creatives and receiving a tonne of support back in the process. It really is poetry that keeps me going, even in the murkiest of times, even when I have no idea what I’m doing in any other area of my life. Poetry picks me up and adds sense to all my experiences. It carries me through the darkest days and never ceases to surprise me.
I have been loving being on stage recently. I have been picked for some very interesting and thoughtful events. My set feels fresh again because I am putting care back into it. It’s funny, it sounds so cheesy sometimes but there are few places I feel as comfortable as I do on stage. Thankful for my confidence, both on and off the stage returning to a high. Maybe it has something to do with getting older, but I’m finding myself a lot more at home in my body. I feel like I’m developing a quiet sort of confidence. What does the future hold? In terms of poetry I have a few goals of my own. I want to place emphasis on making, and making for me. I have some workshops and course ideas planned but right now, I’m really enjoying being in this creative period. I want to listen to/read as much poetry as possible, I want to increase my education through courses, I want to be ambitious and lofty with my goals and I want to make work that I seriously enjoy and am proud of. This phase usually feels like the creative honeymoon for me but I am just glad after all this time I am enjoying exploring my ability again. I hope you’re feeling inspired to write and be creative. I hope you’re living your life with as much art in it as possible.